They call me crazy, but who's the giant horse now?!
"This mask imbues the wearer with super-human abilities. The power to make everyone around you feel awkward and uncomfortable being first among them. After wearing the mask for several days my identity was consumed and replaced. There is only the horse now. Best purchase I ever made."
It can be used as PPE!
Corporate meetings... ?
In preparation for the Zombie Apocalypse!
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"Don't order this product if you have a conscience. The unicorns in the industrial unicorn farms live in appalling conditions, in many cases worse than those of the pegasus ranches. Don't believe the propaganda of Lisa Frank and the other Tycoon of big unicorn; all that awaits these poor creatures if the abattoir and the rainbow factory. Be ethical and buy (kosher) dragon meat instead."
"These bacon bandages are so realistic that they may cause secondary injuries. I applied a bacon bandage to moderate cut on my left thumb and within 2 hours, 4 people attempted to bite me. These bites required more bacon bandages, which in turn, were responsible for more bites. The amount of bites per bandage applied rose exponentially to the point where I may die from blood loss. I am in desperate need of some liver and onion bandages as these would be appealing only to geriatrics who would be easily fought off."
