Friday, June 26, 2009

Epic Post

So back in April I was desperately looking for a roommate because I had just signed the lease for my entire apartment which I couldn't afford by myself. I put some ads out on the MTU website one of which is was publicly viewable. Soon after I got scammer emails with obvious red flags (grammar, all caps, alleged Christians, immediately wanting to send money, etc.). This one was tricky.

I am interested in renting your unit that is listed on the off campus housing website and I would like to know if the rental is still available. I would also like to know when the lease is expected to start and end?. Thanks.

After a quick search on StalkerBook I found a one Jennifer Bowen on the Manchester network. That's her picture above.
Still available. What do you want to know?
Lease is from June 1, 2009 to May 31, 2010.
Rent will be $290 with water and heat.
Security deposit will probably be $290
Electric has been $15-$30 (each) per month.
Within walking distance of 4 bars with KBC right across the street.
Middle of downtown Houghton - about a 20 minute walk to campus.
....etc, etc, etc.


Thanks for the timely response. I am still interested in renting your unit and I am delighted to read about the utilities that are available in the home.
I am English and I reside in the United Kingdom. I am 26yrs and I am a graduate student from the University of Manchester, England. I would be enrolling at the University for my post grad studies.
I am a Christian (This is a common theme with apartment scams. Red Flag #1.) and I am a down to earth lady. I get along with people easily. I don't smoke and I drink socially.
My hobbies are traveling, cooking, Nascar (LOL my ass it is), arts, painting, listening to music, dancing, swimming, badminton, tennis and reading.
I love meeting people and hanging out with friends. I also love going to the movies once in a while. I like been neat and clean (Another common theme. Red flag #2) cos cleanliness is part of holiness. I will like you to tell me about yourself as well.
I would move into the home in June and I would rent the unit for a year. (Wow, not even interested in seeing pictures. Red flag #3.) I am okay with the monthly rent and the terms and conditions for securing the unit. I hope to read from you soon. God Bless.

Well I'm 22....

So I give her some less than equivuilent info about me along with some pics of the apartment and a Google Street View of the place thinking my roommate search is over.

I am delighted to read from you again. Your response concerning the home is satisfactory and I would gladly inform my dad to send the rent's deposit to you asap. Meanwhile, I would like you to e-mail your full name, telephone number and mailing address so that the payment can be issued to you. Thanks and God Bless. Cheers.
At this point I got bombarded by two more obvious scammers and decide to do some more research into Bowen. I contact the University of Manchester to see what they say about her.
I'm a mechanical engineering student at Michigan Tech in the US. I've been contacted by someone by the name of "Jennifer Bowen" claiming to be a 26 year old graduate of The University of Manchester. She contacted me in regards to a room I'm renting out. She says she's enrolling here at Michigan Tech in the fall for "post grad studies". I was wondering if I could get a confirmation on whether or not this person did indeed graduate from the University or not. Thank you very much for any help.

Dear Andrew,

Thanks for your enquiry.
I have had a quick search of our database and we do not have any graduates of that name (surprising really as it is quite a common one!)
I hope this is useful.
Best wishes,

Division of Alumni Relations
The University of Manchester
Convinced that Jennifer Bowen is actually Kunta Kinte from Nigeria I decide fuck with him until I get bored with this

I haven't been completely honest with you. I want to fully inform you before you make a commitment like this. You said that "cleanliness is part of holiness" and in that sense I must be serving on the right hand of Apollyon himself. I'm not very clean and it took several days of cleaning before I could even take those pictures - that was the reason for the delay. Also, you mentioned that you are a Christian. I honestly don't understand why or how, but that tells me you must be a raging religious imperialist. I can stand you living in the apartment, but I must warn you to not trifle with me or my beliefs in Apollyon the Destroying Angel of the Apocalypse. You MUST leave my Pentagrams alone. I own many guns. Also, you mentioned that you reside in England. I have to know, are you a native born or have you immigrated from elsewhere? I want to know because I've been diagnosed with severe Anglophobia. I think I would be able to look at you, but I'm positive I won't be able to speak to you, let alone carry on a verbal conversation. I will not tolerate any of your famous British understatement and you shall refer to SOCCER as such. Also, you will be prohibited from using any phonological splits such as the trip-trap and cot-caught and please, no yod-dropping or alveolar-flapping allophonics. I own many guns. One more thing concerns me. It's sort of embarrassing (for you) so I'll just come out and say it. When you are "on the rag" you will have to supply said rags. I'm not going to put up with buying a 12-pack of triple quilted just so it can be flushed in two days. So if you can live according to these unwritten rules then I don't believe we'll have any problems.

I am delighted to read from you again. Your response concerning the home is satisfactory and I would gladly inform my dad to send the rent's deposit to you asap. Meanwhile, I would like you to e-mail your full name, telephone number and mailing address so that the payment can be issued to you. Thanks and God Bless. Cheers.
Disappointed that the response from Toby was an exact copy of his last one, I wanted to see if I could get any money from him. The way these work is by check fraud, but Western Union is instantaneous and unfuckable
I'm delighted that you're delighted about my womanizing, anglophobia, and satanism. Most people are slightly taken aback, believe it or not. Some cry. But I do need to know if you're a thoroughbred Brit or only an immigrant dewback. My psychiatrist tells me that the shock of you just showing up and turning out to indeed be British will probably be bad for everyone involved. I do own many guns after all. Anyways, about the rental deposit. Unfortunately I don't do banks anymore what with the current economic crisis and all. I now do all my financial transactions by way of cash or equivalent. I find the fastest, easiest, and safest way of transferring cash is by Western Union. My local Western Union agent location is at the Econo Foods grocery store in Houghton, Michigan. The full address is:
1000 West Sharon Avenue
Houghton, Michigan 49931
Also, send me your father's phone number or e-mail address so we can communicate better. This is such a relief to finally have this renter search over with. You wouldn't believe some of the scams I've had to deal with over the last few days. If these people put just half as much work into whoring themselves out as they did with these scams they could probably make more money for less effort. I mean for a five minute blowjob you could make like $9. Or if you took it up the bum as if you were a cum dumpster you could maybe make maybe $13 and change. Who knows, after many long hard days of blistering handjobs, gargling penis pudding, andepisiotomy inducing quickies you could make enough money to go to college. That way you would know that everything you achieved and accomplished in life is the result of staggeringly hard work rather than the result of being a financial parasite. And seriously, don't touch my Pentagrams or I'll rip your jaw off your face.
Most Sincerely,
Andrew Frederick Rames

So Toby sent me a bunch of pictures titled "linda#"
Uhhh, thanks for the pictures, I guess. I take what I said back. You could probably make much more money than I thought. You can find some of my pictures on facebook. I'd be friends with you, but there's so many damn Jennifer Bowen's out there. Convenient. Say, what was your major at The University of Manchester? What year did you graduate?
Toby had enough and hasn't replied since.


  1. When I got to the part with the satanic picture and pentagram I was crying from laughing so hard ROFLMAO

  2. LMAO. I wish they actually responded to your satanic rant. Did you ever get any money?

  3. No, Nigerians are wise to western union requests I think